Yesterday was one of my best friends weddings and I was a bridesmaid. I had never really met most of her other bridesmaids before so it was really fun to get to know them. As we were all sitting around a table, I overheard a girl telling one of them about how she had called off her engagement. I immediately became nosy and started asking questions which I'm sure came off really rude since we didn't know each other at all. I could tell she didn't really want to talk about it so I told her how I had broken off my engagement too. She immediately opened up to me and started asking questions (since the only me she knows is the happily married girl). Since then I have been thinking a lot about my experience and thought it might be good to write it down. I'm sure you want to know all of the juicy details because- who doesn't love other people's drama? Out of respect for him, I'm only going to share my side of it.
So I was engaged about three years ago. We got engaged in November of 2010 and had our date set for March 2011. As time went on, things started happening that made us both realize we might not be as meant for each other as we had thought. I wasn't happy and I was having major doubts. Everyone told me that's just cold feet and it's natural but deep down I knew there was something really wrong. At times I would think that calling it off was too hard and if it didn't work out we could just get divorced. But after about a month of talking it over and me doing a lot of crying, I decided to call off our wedding less than a month before our date. He was level headed and agreed with me that we weren't as happy as we should be.
The few days following that hard decision I felt more pain than I thought possible. I cried almost all the time and still wasn't even sure if it was the right decision. I became a robot, going to work, school, and acting happy. But deep down I was always hurting. As time went by, the pain started to get better and the thought of dating again wasn't so distant. With the encouragement of my family I started dating again. I hated every minute of it. I hated dating in the first place let alone dating when I thought I would never have to do it again.
On my first date, we went to a Jazz game. The night before I had nightmares of it going wrong but nothing compared to how it really went. My date was the sweetest guy, but my ex was sitting directly across the arena from us. As soon as I knew he was there I started shaking and had to go into the bathroom to gain my composure. (and call my family half crying) I went to work and laughed about it with all my co-workers but deep down it wasn't that funny to me.
Even though I acted okay on the outside, I was still a mess inside. All I could think was that no one would ever compare to him and I would die alone.
A few months later, my brother got married. We were dating and engaged at the same time and he was my best friend. Even though I was so happy for him and loved his wife, it was really hard for me. I remember driving away from his reception all by myself, feeling more alone than ever.
A few months later, my brother got married. We were dating and engaged at the same time and he was my best friend. Even though I was so happy for him and loved his wife, it was really hard for me. I remember driving away from his reception all by myself, feeling more alone than ever.
And then one day just four short months later, I met Tom. He changed my life. He was so patient with me. He listened to me vent about the things that happened in my past relationship. He helped build me back up into the confident girl I used to be. He even had the opportunity to run into my ex with me when we were on a date and held my shaking hand as we walked away. Through the next year he helped me heal. I always joked with him I should probably go to therapy but the truth is, he was my therapist. After a year of dating and honestly the best relationship I had ever had I decided to give marriage a second chance. Throughout our engagement I was sort of shocked I never had the fears or doubts I had with my previous engagement. I was happy and content and just ready to be with him. We got married a year and a half to the day of meeting and I haven't regretted it for one day.
Back during that dark time of my life, nothing anyone said made me feel better. All that would help was time. But all I really wanted was for someone to tell me that they've been through it and they came out alive. Looking back, all of that is so distant. There is no pain, only memories and a lot of lessons learned. I know I experienced that for a reason and even though I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, I am so grateful everyday for it. It has made me look at my relationship with Tom in a different way. There are so many things that he does and doesn't do that I would have taken for granted without my experiences of my past relationship. I know he was made just for me.
This is way more personal than I ever thought I would get on here, but after talking with that girl yesterday, I realized my happy ending to a sad situation could possibly help someone else.
And here is a little video from the happiest day of my life:
If you are in Utah, our videographer was the BEST. He was also the best price I found. I was so happy with his work. Here is his website:
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